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*Its been a few months.. and it's about that time that I make a shit post where I bitch about everything* To all my fellow US players getting fucked in the ass per usual... WHAT THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO DO TO USE A HONEST POKER SITE!? It's 2021 and it has been almost a decade since I have been able to use a worthy-poker-site such as Full Tilt, Stars, 888, Party Poker, and so on. I am starting to fall out of love with poker because I can't keep playing on these bullshit sites located in Panama and throughout the Caribbean. Here are a couple of my experiences from the past 8-ish months or so. ACWPN/BCP: - 2 to 4 months ago I received 2 PARTIAL refunds due to bots being at my table, in which one scenario was a final table. Didn't even get a full fucking refund. This also doesn't mention the other partial refunds I received earlier in 2020. - As you all well know, ACR has had multiple scandals going back to 2012, like the the 2018-2019 PLO/NL cash game bots and several people colluding together to take advantage of the late reg glitch. Nagy can eat a fat dick. - If you play at America's Cardroom in 2021 you're a fucking retard. (No offence) Betonline/BOL: - 6 months ago Betonline removed $1000 from my poker balance on my account and said that the money was transferred to my sportsbook balance at 4am PST and all of it was spent in the online casino. When I asked them to investigate they did nothing. So I asked their Fraud/IT Department to send me a list of all devices, MAC addresses, and IP addresses that signed into my account that day... They refused to cooperate... Customer service said it was against company policy to release that type of information, even though its MY OWN fucking account and personal information. ( I took a break from the site but eventually returned because US players have no options and I love MTTs.) - 2 months ago I deposited $50 of ETH to their sports book to bet on an NFL game. Blockchain.com confirmed that BOL's Etheruem address received my money, and I even sent customer service proof of the transaction THREE TIMES. They still refuse to issue me my $50 deposit to this day, stating "our system says the deposit is still pending". - 2 days ago I received a $5 refund from a Windfall Sit n Go because the 2 other two players at my table were bots :) :) :) I should just kill myself at this point. WHO THE FUCK HAS BOTS AT THE JACK POT SIT N GO. Bovada/Ignition: - Honestly, I haven't used them in like a year or two because they removed the chat box, make it a pain to utilize HUD software, and that fucking update they did to their software. That huge software update was so fucking horrible the sites damn near unplayable. I'm sure you guys remember the old canvas/layout that Bovada/Iggy use to utilize, it was way better. Anyways, I just don't know what to do anymore. I NEVER had any of these issues back in the Full Tilt days. I don't even want to play half the time because I'm sick of all the bullshit. I am also in Los Angeles, CA so the lockdown bullshit makes live poker a huge pain in the ass. Some casinos are open, some are closed, some are outside, some make you wear mask and sit in between plastic dividers, some allow you to order drinks but not food. It's all fucking stupid. I really want to use my VPN but I don't want to build up a bankroll on a legit site like PartyPoker and then have my funds frozen. Maybe I should just hang myself instead. (joking, just being a dramatic pussy) On a serious note, thank you for listening to me bitch and moan about my first world problems. I hope ya'll are happy, healthy and staying covid-free. Cheers to 2021, MAY THE POKER GODS BE IN YOUR FAVOR!
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Collecting California brewery bottle caps...where can I find more?
I am trying to collect bottle caps from as many CA-based based breweries as possible...I think I've bought all the individual ones currently available on eBay. Looking for recommendations on where I might be able to find more, whether for individual sale or in bulk. I even have a list of the breweries I'm still missing. I lived in CA for several years where my collection began. I'm trying to get bottle caps from 61 different breweries to fill a wooden map of CA. Currently I have 25. I've posted in CaliforniaBeer as well, just looking for whatever recommendations are out there. Edit: Breweries I am currently looking for listed below
• 21st Amendment Brewery in San Leandro • Ale Industries in Oakland • Altamont Beer Works in Livermore • Buffalo Bill's Brewery in Hayward • Cleophus Quealy Beer Company in San Leandro • Diving Dog Brewhouse in Oakland • Drake's Brewing Company in San Leandro • Eight Bridges Brewing Company in Livermore • Faction Brewing in Alameda • Fieldwork Brewing Company in Berkeley • Hoi Polloi Brewpub and Beat Lounge in Berkeley • JP DasBrew in Fremont • Oakland United Beerworks (formerly Linden Street Brewery) in Oakland • Old Kan Beer & Co. in Oakland • The Rare Barrel in Berkeley • Shadow Puppet Brewing Company in Livermore • Triple Rock Brewery and Alehouse in Berkeley • Trumer Brauerei in Berkeley • Woods Bar & Brewery in Oakland • Working Man Brewing Company in Livermore
• Amador Brewing Company in Plymouth • Butte County • Sierra Nevada Brewing Company headquarters in Chico • Eckert Malting and Brewing in Chico • Feather Falls Casino Brewing Company in Oroville • Feather River Brewing Company in Magalia • NorCal Brewing in Chico • Secret Trail Brewing in Chico
Contra Costa County
• Calicraft in Walnut Creek • Danville Brewing Company in Danville • E.J. Phair Brewing Company in Pittsburg • Farm Creek Brewing Company in Walnut Creek • Elevation 66 Brewing Company in El Cerrito • Schubros Brewery in San Ramon • Epidemic Ales in Concord • Ocean View Brew Works in Albany
El Dorado County
• The Brewery at Lake Tahoe in South Lake Tahoe • Cold Water Brewery and Grill in South Lake Tahoe • Cool Beerwerks in Cool • El Dorado Brewing Company in Diamond Springs • Gold Hill Winery and Brewery in Placerville • HWY 50 Brewery in Camino • Jack Russell Farm Brewery in Camino • Lake Tahoe AleWorX in South Lake Tahoe • Mraz Brewing Company in El Dorado Hills • Outbreak Brewing Company in Placerville • Outpost Brewing Company in South Lake Tahoe • Placerville Brewing Company in Placerville • Sidellis Lake Tahoe in South Lake Tahoe • Solid Ground Brewing in Diamond Springs • South Lake Brewing Company in South Lake Tahoe • Stash Brewing Co. in Garden Valley • Stateline Brewery and Restaurant in South Lake Tahoe
• The Mad Duck Craft Brewery in Fresno • Fresno Brewing Company in Fresno • Full Circle Brewing in Fresno • Pine & Palm Brewing in Fresno • Tactical OPS Brewing in Fresno • Tioga–Sequoia Brewing Company in Fresno
• Eel River Brewing Company in Fortuna • Redwood Curtain Brewing Company in Arcata • Six Rivers Brewery in McKinleyville
• Mountain Rambler Brewery in Bishop
• Crusader Brewing in Bakersfield • Dionysus Brewing Company in Bakersfield • Great Change Brewing in Bakersfield • Kern River Brewing Company in Kernville • Lengthwise Brewing in Bakersfield • Local Craft Beer in Tehachapi • Temblor Brewing Company in Bakersfield
• Bird Street Brewing in Lemoore • Hop Forged Brewing Company in Hanford
Kelsey Creek Brewing Company in Kelseyville
Mount St. Helena Brewing Company in Middletown
O'Meara Brothers Brewing Company in Lakeport
Los Angeles County
Absolution Brewing Company in Torrance
Alosta Brewing Co in Covina
Ambitious Ales in Los Angeles
Angel City Brewery in Los Angeles
Beachwood BBQ and Brewery in Long Beach
Belmont Brewing Company in Long Beach
Bravery Brewing in Lancaster
Brouwerij West in San Pedro
Congregation Ale House in Azusa
Cosmic Brewery in Torrance
Claremont Craft Ales in Claremont
The Dudes' Brewing Company in Torrance
Eagle Rock Brewery in Los Angeles
El Segundo Brewing Company in El Segundo
Golden Road Brewery in Los Angeles
Gordon Biersch Brewing Company in Burbank
Hand-Brewed Beer in Chatsworth
Homage Brewing in Pomona
Kinetic Brewing Company in Lancaster
King Harbor Brewing Company in Redondo Beach
MacLeod Ale Brewing Company in Los Angeles
MillerCoors brewery in Irwindale
Monkish Brewing Company in Torrance
Mumford Brewing in Los Angeles
Ohana Brewing Company in Los Angeles
Pacific Plate Brewing Company in Monrovia
Progress Brewing in South El Monte
Red Car Brewery in Torrance
Skyscraper Brewing Company in El Monte
Sanctum Brewing Company in Pomona
Scholb Premium Ales in Torrance
Strand Brewing Company in Torrance
Timeless Pints Brewing Company in Lakewoo
• South Gate Brewing Company in Oakhurst
• Adobe Creek Brewing in Novato • Indian Valley Brewing in Novato • Iron Springs Pub & Brewery in Fairfax • Marin Brewing in Larkspur • Moylan's Brewery in Novato • Pond Farm Brewing in San Rafael • The State Room in San Rafael
• Yosemite Ale Werks in Mariposa
• Bobcat Brewing Company in Merced
• Mammoth Brewing Company in Mammoth Lakes • June Lake Brewing in June Lake
• Alvarado Street Brewery in Monterey • Cannery Row Brewing Company in Monterey • English Ales in Marina • Peter B's Brew Pub in Monterey • Yeast of Eden in Carmel
• Calistoga Inn, Restaurant and Brewing in Calistoga • Downtown Joe's Brewery in Napa • Mad Fritz in St. Helena • Napa Smith Brewery in Napa • St. Clair Brown in Napa • Tannery Bend Beerworks in Napa • Trade Brewing in Napa
• FiftyFifty Brewing Company in Truckee • Nevada Brewery in Nevada City • Ol' Republic Brewery in Nevada City • Tahoe Mountain Brewing Company in Truckee • Three Forks Bakery & Brewing Company in Nevada City
• Anaheim Brewery in Anaheim • Barley Forge Brewing Company in Costa Mesa • Brewing Reserve of California in Costa Mesa • Bootlegger's Brewery in Fullerton and Costa Mes • Bottle Logic Brewing, Anaheim • Cismontane Brewing Company in Santa Ana • The Good Beer Company in Santa Ana • Green Cheek Beer Company in Orange • Gunwhale Ales in Costa Mesa • Laguna Beach Beer Company in Rancho Santa Margarita and Laguna Beach • Left d Brewing Company in San Clemente and Irvine • Network Brewery in Santa Ana • Noble Ale Works in Anaheim • Old Orange Brewing Company in Orange • Riip Beer Company in Huntington Beach • TAPS Brewery & Barrel Room in Tustin • Tustin Brewing Company in Tustin • Valiant Brewing Company in Orange
• Auburn Alehouse in Auburn • Boneshaker Public House and Community Brewery in Rocklin • Crooked Lane Brewing Company in Auburn • GoatHouse Brewing Company in Lincoln • Knee Deep Brewing Company in Auburn • Loomis Basin Brewing Company in Loomis • Moksa Brewing in Rocklin • Moonraker Brewing Company in Auburn • Out of Bounds Brewing Company in Rocklin • Slice Beer Company in Lincoln • The Monk's Cellar in Roseville
• The Brewing Lair of the Sierra (formerly UnderCover Ale Works) • Waganupa Brewing in Chester • Quintopia Brewing Co in Quincy
• Aftershock Brewing Company in Temecula • Area 51 Craft Brewery in Riverside • Babe's BBQ & Brewhouse in Rancho Mirage • Black Market Brewing Company in Temecula • Brew Rebellion in Banning • Brewcaipa Brewing in Yucaipa • Coachella Valley Brewing in Thousand Palms • Desert Beer Company in Palm Desert • Electric Brewing Company in Murrieta • Grey Wolf in Norco • Inland Empire Brewing Company in Riverside • Ironfire Brewing Company in Temecula • La Quinta Brewing in Palm Desert • Las Palmas Brewing in Palm Springs • Refuge Brewery in Temecula • Wiens Brewing Company in Temecula • Woody's Brewhouse in Moreno Valley
• Alaro Brewing in Sacramento • At Ease Brewing in Sacramento • Big Sexy Brewing in Sacramento • Big Stump Brew Co. in Sacramento • Burning Barrel Brewing in Rancho Cordova • Claimstake Brewing in Rancho Cordova • Delta Borne Brewing in Sacramento • Device Brewing Company in Sacramento • Dreaming Dog Brewery in Elk Grove • Flatland Brewing in Elk Grove • Fort Rock Brewing in Rancho Cordova • Fountainhead Brewing in Sacramento • Hoppy Brewing Co in Sacramento • King Cong Brewing Company in Sacramento • New Glory Craft Brewery in Sacramento • New Helvetia Brewing in Sacramento • Oak Park Brewing in Sacramento • Palm Tree Brewing Company in Orangevale • Porchlight Brewing in Sacramento • Red Bus Brewing in Folsom • River Rock Brewery in Galt • Sacrament Brewing in Sacramento • Tower Brewing in Sacramento • Track 7 Brewing Company in Sacramento • Tilted Mash Brewing in Elk Grove • Urban Roots Brewing in Sacramento
San Bernardino County
• 3 Iron Brewing Co. in Colton • Brewcaipa in Yucaipa • Desert Barn Brewery in Hesperia • Escape Craft Brewery in Redlands • Hangar 24 Craft Brewery in Redlands • I & I Brewing in Chino • Kings Brewing in Rancho Cucamonga • Oak Hills Brewing Company in Hesperia • Ritual Brewing Co. in Redlands • Rowdy's Brew Co. in Rancho Cucamonga • Sour Cellars in Rancho Cucamonga
San Francisco City and County
• 21st Amendment Brewery • Barrel Head Brewhouse • Beach Chalet Brewery & Restaurant • Black Sands Brewery • Black Hammer Brewing • Cellarmaker Brewing Company • Cervezería de MateVeza • Eagle Brewery • Enterprise Brewery • Fort Point Beer Company • Golden City Brewery • Hamm's Brewer • Harmonic Brewing • Hibernia Brewery • Laughing Monk Brewing • Lafayette Brewery • Local Brewing Company • Magnolia Brewing Company • Schuster's Railroad Brewery • Seven Stills • Southern Pacific Brewing • Speakeasy Ales and Lagers • Sunset Reservoir Brewing Company • Thirsty Bear Brewing Company • Triple Voodoo Brewing • Washington Brewery • Willow's Brewery
San Joaquin County
• Dancing Fox Winery and Brewery in Lodi • Five Window Beer Company in Lodi • High Water Brewing Company in Lodi • Idol Beer Works in Lodi • Lodi Beer Company in Lodi • Morgan Territory Brewing in Tracy
San Luis Obispo County
• 927 Beer Company in Cambria • BarrelHouse Brewing Co. in Paso Robles • Libertine Brewing Company in San Luis Obispo • Tap It Brewing Company in San Luis Obispo
San Mateo County
• 47 Hills Brewing in South San Francisco • Alpha Acid Brewing Company in Belmont • Armstrong Brewing Company in South San Francisco • Blue Oak Brewing Company in San Carlos • Devil's Canyon Brewing Company in Belmont • Freewheel Brewing Company in Redwood City • Half Moon Bay Brewing Company in Princeton-by-the-Sea • Highway 1 Brewing in Pescadero • Hop Dogma Brewing in El Granada • Sacrilege Brewery + Kitchen in Half Moon Bay
Santa Barbara County
• Captain Fatty's Brewery in Goleta • Island Brewing Company in Carpinteria • M. Special Brewing Company in Goleta • Pure Order Brewing Company in Santa Barbara • Solvang Brewing Company in Solvang • Telegraph Brewing Company in Santa Barbara
Santa Clara County
• Clandestine Brewing in San Jose • El Toro Brewing Company in Morgan Hill • Gordon Biersch Brewing Company in San Jose • Hermitage Brewing Company in San Jose • Kelly Brewing in Morgan Hill
Santa Cruz County
• Discretion Brewing in Soquel • Humble Sea Brewing Company in Santa Cruz • New Bohemia Brewing Company in Capitola • Santa Cruz Mountain Brewing in Santa Cruz • Sante Adairius Rustic Ales in Capitola • Seabright Brewery in Santa Cruz • Steel Bonnet Brewing Company in Scotts Valley • Uncommon Brewers in Santa Cruz
• Fall River Brewing Co. in Fall River Mills • Wildcard Brewing in Redding • Final Draft Brewing in Redding • Woody's Brewing Co. in Redding
• Dunsmuir Brewery Works in Dunsmuir • Etna Brewing Company in Etna • Mt. Shasta Brewing Company in Weed • Siskiyou Brew Works
• Heretic Brewing Company in Fairfield • Right Eye Brewery in Suisun • Mare Island Brewing Company in Vallejo
• Carneros Brewing Company in Sonoma • Fog Belt Brewing Company in Santa Rosa • Moonlight Brewing Company in Santa Rosa • Old Redwood Brewing Company in Windsor • Petaluma Hills Brewing Company in Petaluma • Seismic Brewing Company in Santa Rosa • Sonoma Springs Brewing Company in Sonoma • St. Florian's Brewery in Windsor • Stumptown Brewery in Guerneville • Third Street Aleworks in Santa Rosa
• St. Stan's Brewery in Modesto • Blaker Brewing in Ceres
• Anacapa Brewing in Ventura • Casa Agria Specialty Ales in Ventura • Enegren Brewing Co. in Moorpark • Flat Fish Brewing Company in Camarillo • Institution Ale Co. in Camarillo • Leashless Brewing Co. in Ventura • MadeWest Brewing in Ventura • Poseidon Brewing Company in Ventura • Red Tandem Brewery in Ventura • Surf Brewery in Ventura • Topa Topa Brewing Company in Ventura • Ventura Coast Brew Co. in Ventura • Westlake Brewing Co. in Westlake Village
• Bike Dog Brewing Company in West Sacramento • Dunloe Brewing in Davis • Jackrabbit Brewing Company in West Sacramento • Super Owl Brewing in Davis • Three Mile Brewing Company in Davis • Yolo Brewing in West Sacramento
San Diego County
• Burgeon Beer Company • Carlsbad Brewing Company • Pizza Port • Rouleur Brewing Company • Offbeat Brewing Co • Nickel Beer Company • Bagby Beer Company • Legacy Brewing Company • Breakwater Brewing Co • Oceanside Ale Works • ChuckAlek Independent Brewers • Abnormal Beer Company • Acoustic Ales Brewing Experiment • Align Brewing • Amplified Aleworks • The Beer Company • Deft Brewing • Division 23 Brewing • Duck Foot Brewing Company • Eppig Brewing • Fall Brewing • Kilowatt Brewing • Little Miss Brewing • Longship Brewery • Mike Hess Brewing Co. • Mikkeller • Mission Brewery • Modern Times Beer • New English Brewing Co. • North Park Beer Company • O'Sullivan Brother's Brewing • Pacific Beach Alehouse • Pariah Brewing Company • Protector Brewing • Rip Current Brewing • Rough Draft Brewing Company • Saint Archer Brewing • San Diego Brewing Company • Savagewood • Societe Brewing Company • Thorn Street Brewery • Thunderhawk Alements • Lost Abbey • Port Brewing Company • Rip Current Brewing Company • Stumblefoot Brewing Company • Wild Barrel Brewing Company • Aztec Brewing Company • Barrel Harbor Brewing • Belching Beaver Brewery • Booze Brothers Brewing Company • Indian Joe Brewing Company • Latitude 33 Brewing • Mother Earth Brew Co. • Toolbox Brewing
"Humor. It is a difficult concept"; or, Comedy and Star Trek
The announcement of a new animated comedy Star Trek series has prompted me to think about Star Trek’s history with comedy. The go-to line is that Star Trek has never been that good at comedy. And, to be sure, there are quite a few clunkers that come to mind when Star Trek tried to do a “comedy episode”. But when we dig a bit deeper, we are reminded of episodes that, while they might not have been deliberately written as “comedy episodes,” still turned out to be quite funny. More often than not, this was when the writers set out not to write comedy but simply to write something fun or light. This extends further when we examine episodes that have the standard A/B plot structure, where the B plot is decidedly less heavy than the A. It’s informative, I think, to consider that the episodes that make us laugh still make us think and still have drama, even high-stakes drama, of their own. Drama and comedy need not be mutually exclusive. Here below I’ve begun to catalog cases where Star Trek tried to be or succeeded at being funny. (And yes, this ended up being much longer than I imagined at the outset.) Do you agree with the entries on this list? What else should be on it? (I admit that it is biased toward TNG and DS9.) Which of these count as “comedy”? EDITed one week later, adding suggested episodes from comments-- the added suggestions are clearly marked, and the rest of the post is unchanged Star Trek: The Original Series
Suggested by cgo_12345 and by them well-summarized: “…and by the end the landing party is doing a full blown dada improv set to make the main android's head explode.”
“The Trouble With Tribbles”
Judging TOS episodes can be a bit tricky because we are now so far removed from their original cultural context. There are quite a few other episodes of TOS which are now unintentionally funny for various reasons, but I believe “The Trouble With Tribbles” is the only one that really intended to be funny. Certainly I think it has aged very well.
“A Piece of the Action”
Suggested by malfourmed and others. A classic example, if not the proper originator, of the “hijinks” episode. The “fizzbin” scene, Kirk and Spock in gangster clothing, Spock uttering the word “youse”.
Star Trek: The Next Generation
“The Big Goodbye”
Not intended, I suspect, to be “comedy” but definitely intended to be “light”, a chance for us to see Picard with his “hair let down,” no pun intended. I’m not sure it really works as a “fun” episode, though it definitely sets a nice precedent for a number of themes throughout TNG: how fun it is to see Captain Picard in an alter ego, Data as the universe’s hapless straightman, and holograms questioning their own existence.
“Elementary, Dear Data”
Likewise, we are led to believe early on that this will be a “light” episode, and it definitely is good fun seeing Data and Geordi dressed up in Victorian attire and Data throwing himself into the role with enthusiasm. But, intentionally or not, this episode definitely crosses the line into “heavy” territory almost exactly once Pulaski gets involved. I think it actually becomes a more compelling story because of it, but there is still a marked tone shift halfway through.
“The Outrageous Okona”
The namesake plot is rather forgettable and probably doesn’t quite rise to the level of being funny, but also doesn’t quite have enough oomph to be extremely compelling drama otherwise. Much more notable, however, is the B plot in which Data tries to be funny. In a bit of perhaps unintentional meta-commentary on Star Trek in general, Data finds that when he tries to be funny, it is unsatisfying, but that he still can be humorous just by being himself.
Lwaxana Troi returns and inaugurates a TNG tradition: make the audience laugh by making Jean-Luc uncomfortable. This episode is, I believe, aiming for “farce”, which certainly is a valid path toward humor. In this particular case, however, I think the humor sadly relies too much not on Jean-Luc’s discomfort but on mocking Lwaxana. As obnoxious as we find her, Lwaxana Troi really is a tragic character and this episode feels a bit mean in its treatment of her. (There’s also a bit of gender stereotyping that I don’t feel qualified to evaluate, but definitely seems questionable.) Ultimately, this episode requires us to laugh at Lwaxana, as opposed to laughing at the situation, and that makes it less fun.
This is when the writers realized that Q could be funny, and could bring out the funny side of our principal characters. All the same, it’s a very Trekkian episode, with lots of commentary on the human condition— from the gross (Q despairing that he became unconscious — “You fell asleep,” Picard says dismissively) to the subtle (Q recognizing Data’s sacrifice for him). When else has Star Trek made us think about how very strange it is that we involuntarily become unconscious every 12 hours or so? And yet there is plenty for us to laugh out loud at: Worf, explaining how Q could convince them he’s mortal: “Die.”; Guinan’s “Seems human enough to me,” after stabbing him with a fork; the faces of literally everyone on the bridge when Q appears with a mariachi band.
This episode continues the tradition of making Picard uncomfortable. Unlike Lwaxana, though, Picard actually finds Vash inexplicably compelling. Their relationship is more coequal, and that lets us, as the viewers, enjoy the humorous aspects without guilt.
Barclay, TNG’s first “imperfect human,” is clearly intended to make us laugh, even if we know we are not “supposed” to. Barclay gets the dignity of a relatively sympathetic portrayal, so we don’t feel too bad about laughing, which, combined with the happy ending, with the main cast learning to accept Barclay as he is, makes for a successful “light” episode (even if it’s not a particularly amazing episode otherwise). And we get some funny moments along the way— Picard’s blunderous use of “Mr. Broccoli”, the Three Musketeers waving their swords, Riker’s holographic double being just a little shorter than in real-life. The humor complements the drama of the episode, but isn’t the end goal of the episode itself; the humor is a means to an end, not an end unto itself (unlike some of Star Trek’s “intentional comedy episodes”).
To be sure, this is not an effort at a “comedy episode.” And it does deal with some serious drama— the back-and-forth over the wedding, the apparent death of T’Pel, the confrontation with the Romulans, the tender scene Picard has at the end with the Juarez’ baby. But it also has some of the most fun of the whole series, primarily through the understated comedy of Data’s hapless existence. Informing Miles of the “good news” that Keiko has canceled the wedding. Learning to tap dance from Crusher and then thanking her that he is now ready to dance at the wedding. “Chasing an untamed ornithoid without cause.” It is hard not to grin while watching this one.
Reintroducing the two of three most chaotic elements of Picard’s life — in this case, Q and Vash — leads to our esteemed captain spending most of the first two acts in embarrassed awkward discomfort, to an extent we’ve never seen before. This is perhaps the rare intentional “comedy episode” that doesn’t entirely blow up in the writers’ faces. But part of how it works is by having the humor derive from the very mundane situation Picard finds himself in the first half— stricken with embarrassment at having his personal life exposed to his crew. There’s nothing unrealistic here, which is fine, since sometimes real-life is funny. That stands in contrast to the second half, which clearly aims for the humor of the absurd and I think succeeds well as a farce.
Another hapless Data episode. This one is more tragicomic than some others on this list because it ultimately has a sad ending to its comedic storyline. Nonetheless, in the vein of both “Data’s Day” and “Deja Q”, we are treated to an examination of the human condition that frequently makes us smile throughout the episode.
Suggested by Nofrillsoculus as an excellent example (and possibly the sole example) of a light two-parter. In my view, as a "serious" episode with "serious" stakes, its tone never quite seemed right. But, if relieved of that burden, there really is a lot that is goofy in here, and I now suspect intentionally so: the framing plot with Data’s head is almost a form of macabre slapstick, Data and the rest of the crew doing the fish-out-of-water routine in the past, and, of course, Mark Twain.
I’m not sure what doesn’t quite work about this episode, but something doesn’t. Perhaps it was not written to be a comedy, but the director decided to film it that way. At least for me, not too much of the episode actually “feels” funny, even though I’m pretty sure someone intended for it to be. For example, Miles and Keiko discussing the future of their marriage— that should have been funny, but between the fact that pedophilia generally isn’t that funny and the fact that the O’Briens’ arguments often come across as too contentious to be funny (that’s worth a post on its own— some other time), the scene fails to put a smile on our face.
“A Fistful of Datas”
I doubt this was intended as a comedy episode, but I think it merits inclusion on this list. For one, the opening scene with Picard getting interrupted again and again simply is funny. Not uproarious, but still funny. There are plenty of other funny moments throughout the episode: Worf’s “Yes, err, Counselor Durango” and “I’m beginning to see the appeal of this program!”, Data’s “Vamoose, you little varmint” and “You just sit tight. We’ll have this all fixed up in time for supper.” And the juxtaposition of Worf, Alexander, Troi and Data with the “Ancient West” is humorous in its own right. For my part, I think this episode would’ve been more successful if it had leaned more into the absurdity of the plot, as “Qpid” did— as it stands, I find that it doesn’t quite coalesce as well as it might.
Suggested by deusextibia as a case of “so-bad-it’s-good”. Generally I decided to exclude such episodes from this list because they generally are a different kind of episode from start to finish. But this episode is interesting because it was intended — not to be a comedy — but to be a straight-up romance (and maybe a bit of horror as well). Star Trek rarely goes for dedicated romance episodes, and, in that way, this episode is almost certainly a “lighter” outing. Whether it’s worth including on this list is debatable, but I’m trying to err on the side of inclusion.
(A parenthetical note— I think it is not insignificant that the rest of Season 6 and all of Season 7 lack any episodes that I would consider adding to this list. From here on out, it’s almost without exception heavy episodes. Even the appearance of Lwaxana— usually a harbinger of an attempted light story— is instead a tragic story about the death of a child. Makes you wonder if Season 7 would be better seen if it had had even just one “fun” episode.) Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
This one should be funny. And it does have its moments— most importantly, “You hit me! Picard never hit me,” which ultimately makes the rest of the episode worthwhile as it sets Sisko up among our pantheon of heroes while also carving out his own place among them. Ultimately, though, while Q makes us laugh, no one else does. It’s almost feels like the crew of Deep Space Nine just don’t get the joke. The problem, of course, is that Q and Vash work as characters by putting other characters out of their comfort zones; but, so early in the series, the main characters here do not have well-established comfort zones. So the effect is watered down. I suspect if this episode had come in Season 2, it would’ve been funnier. (And, indeed, when Vash makes her appearances in the Millennium novel trilogy, she does work quite well at putting other characters out of their comfort zone — especially Jake — and is thus much more effective.)
A classic case of a serious primary plot(s) and a humorous secondary plot, a structure that DS9 repeatedly used to good effect. The C-plot “The Ambassadors of Unhappy” are a classic example of how Star Trek can set up a funny story that still is believable and meant to be taken seriously. In terms of execution, this particular example may not be the best, but the concept is sound. Likewise, the B-plot starts off humorous, with Odo taking the role Picard played as Lwaxana’s hapless “target.” At first, it’s the same song and dance as we saw in TNG, and you worry it’ll be boring. But then they introduce a new twist, where Lwaxana and Odo get trapped with each other, each the polar opposite of each other— that never quite happened in TNG, particularly with the two characters put on such equal footing. And, about halfway through, that plot shifts in tone to become more serious and emotional, with both Lwaxana and Odo becoming vulnerable in ways we haven’t previously seen.
“The House of Quark”
The Ferengi episodes obviously are a primary source of DS9’s comedic material, for better and worse. For my money, though, this episode is the first time that the writers did not try to pair the humor with more serious content: “The Nagus” is funny, but also deals with the perils of power and the drama of sibling rivalry; “Rules of Acquisition” is funny, but also deals with sexism and love and of course the Dominion. “The House of Quark,” though, really is just funny. Quark (and Rom) get ensnared in a situation totally of their own making and flounder about as they try to escape. The stakes feel just high enough for it be interesting, the characters go through growth and learning experiences as they struggle outside of their comfort zone, and, most importantly, the episode doesn’t exist solely for the purpose of delivering the punchlines.
The rare case of a non-Ferengi episode that was clearly meant to be funny and which, in my opinion, “works”. Interestingly, Lwaxana as a character is not the primary driver of the humor here. (Yes, her Zanthi fever is the MacGuffin that makes it all happen, but that’s just a plot device that happens to be easily applied to her.) This episode’s lighting and music contribute to a mood that is largely unprecedented in Star Trek, in terms of aiming to be “over the top.” Reading the Memory Alpha article on this episode is fascinating (no pun intended) because it’s clear that the people behind the scenes either love or hate this episode, which I think is reflected in fan opinion, as well.
The Prophets open Zek’s eyes to a world beyond greed and Quark convinces them to close them again. We get to watch poor Quark see his world turned upside down. Given that Quark is a bit of an anti-hero, we feel fine about putting him through some angst like this. In the end, no harm is done, and we’re rewarded with Quark incredulously asking his brother, “You embezzled money? From the Nagus??”, and Rom’s gleeful reply: “Surpriiiiiiise.”
“Little Green Men”
Odo harassing Quark, and occasionally the reverse, is one of DS9’s consistent sources of humor and levity. I think this episode captures this dynamic at its height, even though Odo is absent for a large part of the episode. Again, Quark is used to humorously critique aspects of real-world society in a Trekkian fashion that by now is so familiar that we don’t even notice it. Moreover, this episode may be the first to realize that one way to be funny in Star Trek is to send your characters on what I would call “hijinks”— stick Quark, Rom and Nog together on a ship, and a misbegotten adventure will ensue. DS9 will return to this method several times, both with and without the Ferengi.
“Our Man Bashir”
In this case, it is around the Bashir-Garak pairing that hijinks ensue. Like “Qpid”’s second half, this episode works because it leans into its absurdity. It’s also helped by the fact that it actively satirizes another franchise. It’s funny seeing Bashir play spy, it’s funny watching Garak’s horror at the same, and it’s funny seeing Captain Sisko as a James Bond villain. Plus other moments along the way— case in point, the misadventures of Odo, Eddington, Rom and Quark as they try to fix everything. “Uhhhhh it’s behind the spatula,” “O’Brien’s gonna kill me,” and so forth.
This episode perhaps doesn’t belong on this list, because I would not call it a “light” episode, in aim nor execution. But there is definitely a strain of dark comedy here, as Quark grasps with the absurdity of having to kill himself in order to fulfill a contract. His sequences with Garak in the holosuite may not be laugh-out-loud funny, but they are definitely funny in their own right, as is his dream sequence with “Gint”.
“Looking for par’Mach in All the Wrong Places”
A sequel to “The House of Quark” in story and to “Fascination” in spirit. Par’Mach is in the air and misbegotten ventures ensue. The humor of a Ferengi episode is infused with the dramatics of a Klingon episode, with a bit of Cyrano de Bergerac injected for good measure. Like “Fascination,” this episode decides what it will focus on and then goes there, full throttle. And all is well that ends well, so this qualifies as a well-executed “light” episode. Plus, it moves the Dax/Worf romance along speedily, which sets the stage for a pairing that rivals Quark/Odo for its comedic potential.
“Trials and Tribble-ations”
I would say this episode is more “fun” than “funny,” though there are many funny moments herein. More importantly, this is another case of DS9’s “hijinks”, of the crew getting thrown together into a vaguely absurd situation and having to find their way out. It has the feeling of a caper à la Ocean’s Eleven. By no rights should the crew be able to get out of this mess unscathed, but they do and we love it.
“Ferengi Love Songs”
Another episode that starts off humorous, then becomes serious, before ending on a happy note. Much of the humor derives from poor Quark’s misfortune. The Nagus is sleeping with his mother and he still can’t get his business license back. Life can be so unfair! But then the episode turns to real drama, and there is less humor. But the levity returns by the end, rising primarily out of seeing the happy couple reunited again.
“In the Cards”
Jake and Nog try to get a baseball card; hijinks ensue. What initially seems like a simple task gradually snowballs into the absurd. Each consecutive roadblock, as well the very fact that roadblocks keep cropping up, contributes to the humor of the episode, as does the buddy dynamic of Jake and Nog. I don’t think this was intended as a “comedy” episode, but it works very well as one.
“The Magnificent Ferengi”
Quark and Rom try to rescue their mother from the Dominion; hijinks ensue. Likewise, six Ferengi crowd into one ship; hijinks ensue.
“Who Mourns for Morn?”
DS9’s most absurd episode, and I mean that literally: this is the closest DS9 comes to breaking the fourth wall. It has shades of “The House of Quark” to it, in that Quark gets sucked into a situation over his head and just barely manages to escape. Really, it’s amazing that they managed to get a whole episode out of the running shtick that Morn never shuts up but never speaks on-screen. Generally speaking, the line is toed pretty well, but there are a couple of moments (Worf’s mention of Morn as a sparring partner, for one) that do seem to take it just a little too far.
“Profit and Lace”
Hoo boy. While I personally believe that there are some positives to this episode that are frequently overlooked (especially the scene where Quark and Ishka argue until she has a heart attack — that is not comedy but that is honest family drama), this is the rare episode of Star Trek that really crosses the line into being “problematic”. A lot of the humor arises out of gender stereotyping and reducing transgender experiences to punchlines. Plus the episode begins and ends with sexual harassment in the workplace. Mechanically, this episode would, I think, be “funny” if the content were tweaked. But as it is, the cringe level is pretty high.
“Take Me Out To The Holosuite”
Captain Sisko forms a baseball team; hijinks ensue. This is perhaps more of a “feel-good” episode than a “funny” episode, but it brings more than its fair share of funny moments. My favorites both come from Worf: “We will destroy them,” in the conference room, and then later on the field, “Death to the opposition.”
“Treachery, Faith and the Great River”
This was actually the episode that got me thinking of all of this. The Odo/Weyoun story, obviously, is not light at all and indeed is tragic in several different ways. But the Nog story is genuinely funny. The mundane problems of the engineering staff are presented with dry humor that then gets ratcheted up, à la “In The Cards,” as Nog takes more and more absurd steps to try to resolve them. Poor O’Brien is the one who gets tugged out of his element, so, like Odo when Lwaxana shows up, we find some humor in his temporary misery.
“The Emperor’s New Cloak”
This episode dials the absurdity of the Mirror Universe up to eleven, and even includes Rom lampshading how ridiculous the concept is, as he struggles with whether to trust the mirror counterparts of Brunt and O’Brien he meets. This is a case where I think going full-tilt does not do the episode any favors, because it ends up satirizing itself. However, one specific example of well-done humor does spring to mind: Quark and Rom carrying the cloaked cloaking device. Rarely does Star Trek veer into slapstick, but on this one occasion, they did well.
The crew of Deep Space Nine team up to rob a holographic casino; hijinks ensue. Here we have the delightful nostalgia of “Trials and Tribble-ations” combined with the caper feel of “The Magnificent Ferengi” and the feel-good teamwork of “Take Me Out To The Holosuite”. In some ways, this is the ultimate development of the story concept first introduced way back in “Encounter at Farpoint,” in which the holodeck could be used not as focus of a story, but as another means for sending our crew someplace they’ve never been before. The result leaves us grinning one last time, before diving into the seriousness and high drama that marks the final half of DS9’s ultimate season.
Star Trek: Voyager
“Message in a Bottle”
Though it takes the episode a while to warm up to it, eventually we find the Doctor channeling the haplessness of Data, as he is forced to grow beyond his original programming, and the haplessness of Quark, as he is thrust into circumstances well outside his comfort zone. (The fact that the Doctor is somewhat unlikable, and thus a bit of an anti-hero, means that, like Quark, we don’t feel bad about laughing at his misfortune the way we might were we to laugh at Data.) Despite some very high stakes, it does still feel like a “light” episode, partly because it gives the Doctor the chance to show some unexpected heroics.
“Bride of Chaotica!”
It’s been a while since I saw this one, but it’s another in a long line of holodeck episodes. Like “Badda-Bing, Badda-Bang” and “Take Me Out To The Holosuite”, it succeeds by using the holodeck as a means to an end, not a end unto itself. By putting our characters into unexpectedly surreal circumstances, the episode becomes a lark.
“Someone To Watch Over Me”
Suggested by synchronictistic: “Doc plays matchmaker with Seven, an alien ambassador from an ascetic culture gets drunk and hits on Seven, hijinks follow.”
Suggested by synchronictistic. I would not have thought to include this one, but I could see it possibly being intended as a bit of a farce, vaguely evocative of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
“Tinker Tenor Doctor Spy”
A successor in spirit to “Message in a Bottle,” but focused more intently on the Doctor as he moves beyond his programming. There’s more than a little bit of skewering of the Doctor here— oh, you thought it would be easy to captain the ship? Well, here you go! And to be honest, that is largely unprecedented in Star Trek history, at least among Starfleet officers. It’s rare, if not unheard of, for one of our heroes to get such a good comeuppance. It definitely works, and certainly for me is funny.
Suggested by synchronictistic. Takes the core conceits of TNG’s “Brothers” and “Second Chances” and makes it funny by forcing a somewhat unlikable character to, essentially, have to put up with his own double. Lieutenant Barclay’s inclusion reinforces this.
“Body and Soul”
Suggested by synchronictistic. I haven’t seen this one in a long time, but reading the Memory Alpha article leads me to agree that this one likely was intended to be a funny episode (even if parts of it may now seem uncomfortably non-consensual).
Suggested by synchronictistic, specifically for the B-story, featuring Tom Paris and Interplanetary Drivers Ed.
Star Trek: Enterprise
“Two Days and Two Nights”
At first, this was the only example of an episode from Enterprise where I thought the show runners set out to do an intentionally “light” episode (but then I remembered “Carbon Creek”). And the outcome of this episode is probably why they decided to shy away from such things hereafter. There was a clear effort to recall the levity of “Captain’s Holiday” and introduce some of the “hijinks” aspects that had worked well in previous “light” episodes throughout the franchise. And there are some funny moments, particularly around Phlox’s hibernation. But the overall effect is disappointing. Given that that was the essential plot of the story (Risa was supposed to be fun and it wasn’t; this episode was supposed to be fun and it wasn’t), perhaps the episode simply was too good at its own job. Plus, having Archer’s story tie so explicitly into the rather grim Suliban storyline certainly brought weight into the episode. And Malcolm and Trip’s mishaps, which might otherwise be funny, are injected with more than a few shades of early 2000’s transphobia and homophobia that definitely do not age well.
I would not describe this episode as “funny” or even “fun.” But it is “charming,” and in a series otherwise weighted with pretty heavy episodes all around, it does stand out as the rare episode which clearly was made primarily to make us smile, while examining the human condition and, newly, the Vulcan condition as well. It calls to mind the tone of “Data’s Day,” with a touch of nostalgia for the Kirk-Spock-McCoy dynamic that lightened many moments in TOS— the Northerner Captain, the Vulcan, and the Southerner, playing off each other, each with their own way of teasing each of the others. Particularly for long-time fans, it feels comfortably familiar.
Star Trek: Discovery
“Magic to Make the Sanest Man Go Mad”
Like “Carbon Creek”, this episode is hardly “funny”, but it is notable for being, by far, the “lightest” episode of Discovery thus far. It being such draws our attention to something almost all of the episodes on this list share in common: they are standalones. This raises a chicken-and-egg question: is this because they never tried to make a “light” two-parter? Or is this because a two-parter could never successfully be “light”?
The Films (included at the suggestion of deusextibia) A general note on the films: I would say that generally, as a function of being efforts at blockbuster cinema, most have to hold at their core some level of heaviness, with some lightness included for relief, but not as primary focus. The Wrath of Khan,Generations, First Contact and others all have extremely funny moments, but I wouldn’t say they belong on this list.
The Voyage Home
Easily the lightest and most fun of the films. Not quite intended to be a “comedy”, I think, and definitely with its own heavy themes. But clearly intended to be a break from the literal life-and-death themes of its two predecessors.
The Final Frontier
I never would have imagined this as a comedy, but deusextibiamakes an interesting case that it may have been intended to be a comedy, and I am somewhat convinced that they were at least going for as much jocularity as TVH had.
Compared to everything else on my list of episodes, it's still relatively heavy. But compared to the other movies, it is easily the lightest, aside from TVH, and I included "Carbon Creek" and "Magic To Make The Sanest Man Go Mad" for similar reasons, so probably should be included.
Interesting to consider as a "light" outing. The high stakes and the destruction of Vulcan make me hesitate, but on the other hand it does have the feeling of a romp, even amidst all the sturm und drang. Debatable, but worth including for consideration.
Star Trek Beyond
Though fan reactions were mixed, I definitely enjoyed this one and saw it as the most "fun" and "adventurous" of the Kelvin films. I also think it was intended to evoke more of that “hijinks” motif than its predecessors were.
AH.fm's Trance Classics 10K Celebration Day (cues and sets)
AH.fm Trance Classics celebrated getting 10K fans on Facebook with a 24-hour event with 21 DJs, playing classic trance exclusively. CueNation has cues (and sets on Mega.nz) while this AH.fm forum has the tracklist and sets as well. Tracklist (from AH.fm): 01 York
T2 - 8:15 to Nowhere (Taucher Remix)
Humate - Love Stimulation (Paul van Dyk Mix)
C & M - Dream Universe (Taucher Remix)
Three Drives on a Vinyl - Greece 2000 (Original Mix)
Jam & Spoon - Stella (Nalin & Kane Remix)
Faithless - God is A Dj (Taucher Remix)
Nalin & Kane feat. Andrea Canta - Beachball
DJ Sakin & Friends - Protect your mind (Van Bellen Remix)
It was the dead heat of summer. Normally I’m what my mother would affectionately call “the frugal type.” My father called it being a cheap-ass, but that’s not the point here. The point is that I rarely run the air conditioning in my apartment, because in an eighty year old building, the insulation is crap and it triples my monthly bill just to keep my place a paltry ten degrees cooler. And that’s working at full blast. However, this summer has been a record breaker. I don’t know if it’s global warming or what, but the important part is, I was finally forced to break down and turn on the A/C. So there I sat in my underwear, sweating like a filthy swine all over my newish couch, waiting for the sweet release of relief from the overhead vent in the living room. This was one of only two air registers in the 700-square-foot unit. The other was in the bedroom, but it only pushed half the amount of air. There came the familiar hum of machinery clinking, gears and wheels laboring in the system (or so I imagined) as it fired to life for the first time since I’d caved and used it last year. Finally, the fan sputtered to life and I closed my eyes, preparing for a blast of arctic wind so frosty it would make me forget all about my skin sticking to the pleather cushions of my couch. But that blast did not come. The motor whirred noisily, but spat out no new air. After a few moments I realized that something was wrong. And I swore, a lot. Here I was, sitting in the middle of the hottest summer in recent memory, and the A/C unit had just now decided to shit the bed. It was unthinkably cruel. It was also the weekend, which meant Carl, the crusty old building maintenance guy, was sitting drunk in a casino somewhere, and would not be answering his phone. And he didn’t, so I left a message. I’m sure folks who live in nicer buildings can probably expect a higher level of care, but my place is down a rung or two from that. And I damn sure wouldn’t be calling a professional and paying some fee worth more than the damn A/C unit itself when Carl would fix it on Monday. So I resigned myself to getting out of the house and finding some relief on someone else’s dime for the day. Maybe the movie theater. But the strangest thing happened when I walked back to the A/C unit to shut it off. On top of the normal sound of the running motor, there was also a tak tak tak-ing sound, like playing cards stuck in a bicycle spoke. I ducked down to peer into the metal grate of the unit, which was built into the wall. And there inside, I found the source of my problem. A large wad of paper was jammed inside, clogging the air flow. I am not a handy person. Let me just say that. I’ve never taken household appliances apart to look at the insides. But I am a curious person. And curiosity struck me hard when I saw that little wad of paper in my air conditioner. There were only two screws holding the cover of the metal register on and although I may not own a screwdriver, I grew up watching MacGuyver and was almost giddy to find that a dime actually worked to turn those screw heads. The cover clattered to the floor and as soon as it did, the ball of paper shot out and bounced off my sweaty torso. The paper wad was followed by a steady gust of air so cool it nearly made me fall to my knees and thank the gods of climate control. It was easily twice as cold as I remembered last year and I knew immediately that the culprit of my poor ventilation was sitting at my feet. I was so amazed at the fact that I’d actually fixed something that I almost forgot about the paper wad. I basked in the refreshing cold for a moment longer, then bent to grab the crumpled ball. When I opened it, a fair amount of dust spilled out and onto my toes. The wad was crisp, almost brittle to the point of breaking as I unraveled it. And what I found kept getting more and more curious. Inside the wad of paper was a smaller, balled up newspaper clipping. It was yellowed almost to the point of illegibility, but I could still make out the faint ghost of the typeset. It was a brief snippet: Denver, Co. – July 22, 1996 The bodies of Mr. and Mrs. Tanner A. Hill were discovered in their downtown apartment building in the early hours of the morning, according to Denver Police. Although retrieved from the building’s furnace by the authorities, the bodies are believed to have been mutilated in a manner consistent with ritualistic serial killings that have been reported sporadically this year across the nation. It is unclear whether the Police believe these homicides are correlated, but it is known at this time that there is no clear suspect. We here at the Rocky Mountain News extend our sincerest condolences to the Mr. and Mrs. Hill’s families. And there, sitting atop the article, was a poorly-aged photo of my building, The Hemingway. The quality had weathered to bland tones of yellow and gray, but I could very well make out the three distinctive spires which rose up into the sky like knights’ lances. “Good god,” I said. There had been a brutal murder in my building back in the 90’s and I’d never even known about it. Granted, it wasn’t all that surprising, given the age of the building, and the location. But still, it was an unsettling thought. What a weird glimpse into the past. But that’s precisely what it was: a glimpse into the past. Two decades to be precise. I shook off my chills, figuratively. Literally, I was actually kind of cold, now that the air had been blasting my sweaty torso full-tilt for a couple minutes. ’96 was a long time in the rearview. Hell, the only thing older in this place than the building itself was Carl. And that caused me to pause too. Had Carl been the poor sap who found those crispy bodies in the furnace? Jesus, what a terrible thought. I really felt bad for the guy if it was. I debated keeping the newspaper story, but decided it was too grim. Too damn grim. So I took the clipping and crushed it in my palm, but paused as I did so, because I was left with the piece of printer paper it had been wrapped in. It was scrawled upon in sharp, sloppy letters that were almost illegible. It read: Number 5 oh four Bathe in the memory Wash in the ash Return for another when Time at last I gulped hard when I read that. The number 504 was nailed to the outside of my apartment, painted fittingly in sanguine red. That couple had been killed and mutilated in my own home, the place where I ate and slept. I just felt…numb. I must have stood there, just staring down at that hand scrawled note, for a full five minutes. I could not believe it. If it was a practical joke, it was one without payoff, without punchline, because whoever had written the thing had clearly done so decades prior. If it was a genuine threat, a note left by the killer himself, it was almost a guarantee that he was long in the grave. I balled the whole thing up and lobbed it into the trash next to my computer. Fuck that noise. Fuck all of it. It was all some sick, twisted— But my train of thought was interrupted by the nasty trail of dirt that had fallen out of the wadded paper. It grated under my bare feet, ticking my toes. However, it wasn’t really dirt. It was too fine, and its blackness smeared across the hardwood, leaving smudged footprints in my wake. When I reached down to wipe a layer off my foot I recognized it for what it really was. It was ash. And then came a knock at the door. “Anderson, you in there? It’s Carl. Just got your message about the bum air unit.” I just stood there, looking from my feet to the door, waiting for my brain to process what was happening. “Anderson?” he said. “Finally. It’s time at last.”
Hi! I'm a guy who plays a fair bit of Crusade, and follows the competitive scene for other smash games. Below I've made what I think can be considered a draft of a full competitive Ruleset, though some things will need to be changed. I also have some lists of tech and changes on the bottom. Be warned, it's long. I should mention that the crusade back room also has a publicly recommended tournament ruleset. You can find it at http://projectcrusade.forumotion.com/t979-pcbr-competitive-information-thread, and decide which one you like best, or take elements from both. Super Smash Bros. Crusade 0.9.0 A Competitive Ruleset General Three stock, 8 minutes. Winner strikes three stages. Best of three for all but Losers, Winners and Grand Finals, which have best of five. No items, hazards off, Final Smashes off. Airdodges are a bit more uncertain. Crusade airdodges can be very unbalanced, though they are becoming much better in 0.9.1. I personally prefer Crusade airdodges, but Melee airdodges are very much a possibility for a tournament for now. Stages-Starter
Probably the most balanced of all stages. Three platforms, flat bottom of stage, no janky ledges, not terribly long, good blast zones, it just works, like in all other smash games.
Doesn't have platforms, and it's on the longer side, so it favours projectiles, but it's ledges are fine, and so are it's blast zones. Just like in other games.
Might not seem legal at first, but becomes an incredibly balanced stage when hazards are off. Good for projectiles, good for avoiding them, good blast zones, although it'a ledges kinda suck. Longer than Battlefield.
It's got no stage hazards, and it's got good ledges and blast zones. It's got one platform on one side, and a slope on the other. Kind of avoids the centre a bit, due to advantages being gained from the sides. Strangely, the walls on either side do not go all the way down the actual image for it, allowing you to recover through the stage with certain characters. Stages-Starter or Counterpick
Flat Zone 3
Like with Outer Space, requires you turn off hazards. The only thing about this one is it's small blast zones, but other than that, it's a good stage. Not terribly long, easy to grab ledges. Probably a starter.
Doesn't even require you turn off hazards. Three platforms, which move every so often, but the stage is huge, longer than FD but with similar blast zones and huge platforms that go even closer to them. Leaning towards Counterpick due to it's favouring of strong back throws and up throws.
Doesn't require you to turn off hazards. As long as FD, but with kinda bad ledges and two moving platforms on either side. You can get pretty close to the side blast zones. Once again, great for back throws. Unsure about this one.
Requires you to turn off hazards. This stages's problem is that it's huge, and that's the only problem with it. It's just a big FD with really high ceilings. I think Counterpick.
This stage is the epitome of 'early demise'. You will die here, and quickly. One good combo and you're dead. Seriously. The platforms work, the ledges are kinda bad, but my god those blast zones. I think Counterpick. Stages-Counterpick or Illegal
The hazards can be turned off, but it's blast zones are big and it's got a lot of layers. Might have been legal in another game, but I don't think Crusade really needs anymore counter picks. Leaning towards illegal.
This stage doesn't tilt, but has walls. Might make it a Counterpick, just because of the number of Counterpicks currently. Not a bad stage by any means.
The hazard switch removes the blocks, and prevent you using the pipes, but has the constant problem of a gaping hole in the stage. The pipes are also walls, and the side blast zones are small. I think illegal.
Path to Glory
The boxes are removed by the hazard switch, but this stages ledges are terrible. There's also the problem of the fact that the moving platform is solid. That really nerfs vertical K.O.'s. This one's a little harder to pick, but I think it's illegal. Stages-Illegal
Huge, floor hazards, gaps in the floor, small side blast zones. Not even the hazard switch saves this one.
Green Hill Zone
Walk offs. That's pretty much it.
Tornados at first, but they can be turned off. It's just the combo tent. Oh the combo tent.
This just has a bad layout, and kills Ness and Lucas's recovery. Also has gaps.
Casino Night Zone
Gaps. The bumpers are removed by the hazard switch, but still. It's a real problem, and a bit overcentralising.
Huge, and so. Many. Walls! Not good.
The ghosts can be removed, but there are quite a few walls.
Walk-offs, plus a wall.
Walk-offs, plus some obstructing views.
Even with hazards off, the stage has big walls, so no.
Cut Man's Arena
It has spikes as a stage hazard, which can't be turned off, and it has walls. No. NOTES ON TECHNIQUES General
Gliding (Meta Knight, Waluigi (not on Up B), Bomberman (Up B only), Knuckles, Ridley)
Like in Brawl, some characters can enter a glide by either holding a mid-air jump or jump after an Air Dodge (a la floating) or by using an Up B. Pressing the attack button causes you to perform a Glide Attack while in this state, though unlike Brawl, Ridley and Bomberman's Glide Attacks do not stop your glide, and are projectiles.
In this game, it's not just Peach who can do it! Floating is activated by holding a mid-air jump or holding jump after an Air Dodge, or you can do it exactly where you are by holding down and jumping. After doing any of these, the jump button must be held for the float to last. While floating, you can perform aerials, some specials, and airdodges while maintaining your float, but beware that Tails can only maintain a float if he uses his forward or down airs, and quite a few special special moves cancel floats. They only last so long though, so be aware of that to.
Wall jumping is a popular ability, performed by pressing the opposite direction to a wall your character is near, or by pressing jump next to a wall (unless you character has a wall cling or wall climb). This allow you to jump off a wall, gaining extra height without having to consume a jump or Airdodge.
Wall Cling (Zero Suit Samus)
By pressing jump next to a wall, certain characters can cling to a wall, staying there until their time runs out or they wall jump off by pressing jump again. This is in the Multiple Characters section because in Brawl and Smash 4 his can be performed by a good few characters (including Lucario).
This all-new ability can be performed by pressing jump next to a wall. After doing this, your character will stick to the wall a la a Wall Cling, but without a time limit and the ability to move up and down the wall. Pressing jump makes you wall jump off the wall you are climbing. (also why does Ridley have one of these his recovery is ridiculous) Character Specific
Sonic-Quick Slide D-Tilt (QSDT)
By pressing down and right and then pressing attack, Sonic will perform a D-Tilt that ends quicker than normal and slides him slightly forward.
By chaining successive QSDTs, Sonic can slide around the arena, getting faster the more QSDTs he performs in one direction. Turning around lowers your speed a bit. This is useful because Sonic attacks while this occurs, and you can move faster with it than by Wavedashing.
Shadow-Shadow Boost Platform Momentum Transfer
If Shadow's boost ends in the air, he keeps his momentum. While not really useful on, say the bottom of Battlefied, Shadow can cancel his jump with the boost and use it on a platform, and if he times it right, he can end his boost in the air and use an aerial (preferably n-air or f-air) before landing.
Little Mac, Tails and Ice Climbers-Slow Dash
Holding Down on the C-Stick while dashing as Little Mac, Tails or Ice Climbers causes them to dash much slower than their walk, allowing for crazy mix ups. If you stop moving, you will down smash, but if you let go of the C-Stick you go back to normal dashing speed. You can't dash attack while in the slow dash. CHANGES FOR 0.9.1
Green Hill Zone will probably become a starter due to it's new layout.
Casino Night Zone will probably become a Counterpick due to it's new layout.
Icecap Zone will be added, though it's layout remains to be seen.
Sector Z will be added, and become an illegal stage, due to it's layout.
Flat Zone 3 is receiving some changes, though how this will affect the stage is unknown.
Luigi's mansion will be added as a stage, and be either legal, Counterpick, or possibly banned.
Characters will become larger, and because of this, will change up how the stages' sizes are compared to them, meaning that large stages will be smaller and easier to handle. Blast zones have also been changed to make battles quicker. Because of these things, the stock might change to 4.
Ganondorf is getting a float.
Character balancing will occur.
New charactes, including Shantae, will be added.
The Crusade Airdodge is becoming dynamic, being longer for characters with higher mobility.
THINGS UP FOR DEBATE
Stages. I'm gonna need some others to look at my list and say what's good and what's not.
Number of stages to strike. The current number I have is a wild guess, and I'd love to have some feedback on it.
Stock count. This one I'm pretty sure on, as this game has a really undeveloped meta game, but if you think it should be four, I'd love to hear your thoughts, and if you want to hear why I think 3 is a good idea, I'll be happy to share.
THINGS I MIGHT NEED HELP ON
Finding some tech. I have a little bit under my belt through some luck, such as finding Wall Climbing (Ristar why do you have one of all things) and Mac's slow dash (Let's try D-Smashing while running!) but I have a feeling I don't know half of it.
A tier list, perhaps? The game's wiki has one for the previous version, but not one for this one. There might be no point, with the new release coming soon and all, but oh well.
Finding some character combos. I main Pichu, Ristar, Little Mac and Crash Bandicoot, so I know some stuff for them, and I know some stuff for other characters, but I don't know it all, and with over 60 characters in the game, there's practically no way I ever will.
Sam Grizzle!?! Sam has always been one of the funniest guys in the poker world: huge personality! One day he asked me to save him a seat in a game while he went to eat. After 90 minutes, I made the casino stop taking his $9 every 30 minutes, cause so much time had passed, AND then he shows up and the game is full, DOH! So he wants to fight me...I say, well you better do it this week while my back is out, and suddenly I'm in my first and only fist fight ive ever had in the poker world! We both land punches, but next day not a mark on either of us (BEST FIGHT EVER cause no one was hurt).
I was proud to have had a big role in forcing an investigation at UB, which led to $25 million being returned to the players. People said I should have left the site, and that would have been easy to do as I was wanted by Full Tilt. But I saw another pro get haunted for years because the site he repped DID NOT pay the players back. Staying was the right move, and I was happy when the players were paid back. I was also happy when evidence emerged a few years later that made it clear that I wasn't aware of what was happening. The poker world stuck by, but the evidence was nice and completely shut up the haters.
Legalized online poker is coming; 100%! It is simply a question of when...Amazingly, one person has stopped legalized online poker: one person! Mr Sheldon Adelson: and he spends $100 million every year funding politicians...However, David Baazov (poker big hope) is fighting hard, and effectively, for legalization. I'm hoping for full legalization in California, and then many of us, and the experts, believe it will spread accross the USA.
Put yourself in my shoes for one second. When you're lucky enough you hang out w great people, are you NOT supposed to talk about it? People tweet about what they do, who they hang out with, etc...And I'm lucky to hang out w great people. Saturday I MC President Clinton's Charity Poker Tourney in San Fran (whoops, looks like I'm name dropping again!) -Hmmm...Maybe this time I did name drop.
Obviously I whine too much because I'm the Poker Brat!
But I try really hard to NOT let any bad luck I have at the tables affect me away from the tables. I have gotten better and better at this over the years, but I'm sure my wife will tell you i was bad at this in my twenties and thirties. I don't want that stuff to impact my relations w my friends and family in a negative way...
Yes, I did play against two professors at the Univ of Wisconsin way back in 1984! In that game, we also had Psychiatrists, lawyers, and doctors. None of them were under the age of 40, and I was 20. Each was a professional w multiple degrees, I was an undergrad. But i'm pretty good at this thing we call "Poker"
I started in the smaller games at UW, at the Memorial Union, and as I crushed that game, then I found the bigger games, until I made it into the "Docs game." I once won $2,700 in one night in that game, in about 1985! Seemed like a fortune to me then!
Yes, the element of figuring things out that others do not see. I'm not as sharp as the characters from the "Mentalist" or "Sherlock Holmes," but I see things in everyday life that others do not, and I enjoy that. I keep my prism wide open, and sometimes I need 10 hours of sleep a night or more because of it.
Love Mike the mouth! He is OK. He survived a life threatening surgery on his back, and he is still playing high stakes poker, mostly in San Diego...Good guy, good heart, despite what it looks like on television...
I thought I was the best well BEFORE anyone considered me in that league!! Thinking you're the best, or listening people that say you're the best is dangerous for me. It's better to know I'm good, keep my head down and stay focused on winning bracelets.
I'm excited about Poker Central! 100 Million people play our game, more than tennis and golf combined, and the future is BRIGHT BRIGHT BRIGHT! It's easy for me to imagine poker 24/7, a lot like the Golf Channel has golf 24/7...
Great question! Sadly, the poker world in the USA has shrank a bit (not too much). With entries down at the WSOP from the good old days, a lot less television (I miss Poker After Dark), and less sponorship deals for US players. However, the rest of the world has seen a lot less shrinkage.
Because of the link that my kids have had to Japanese pop culture, I expected a quid-pro-quo re the popularity of poker, but I was saddened when I was told that poker was illegal in Japan! Still, tough Japanese poker players are emerging.
A bigger BOOM is coming when the USA legalizes online poker again! We have witnessed this in Italy, France, and Russia when online poker was actually legalized, and the operators were shocked because they had 10 times as many people play (10X) than was expected. Ditto in the USA: coming soon...
Packers AND Niners! Lifelong Packers fan, but my friend Jed York owns the Niners, I spoke to the team, and my other friend Jim Harbaugh used to coach them. Winning the 2012 WSOPE Main Events in Cannes (Bracelet 13) was amazing!
Unfortunately, I DO lose control sometimes! But a lot less than the world thinks or understands...If I lose it, then ESPN is there to play it over and over, but when I'm good they aren't using that footage as much.
I've seen people TRYING to be a "crew." Most people who think they can count cards, can't. Right after that movie 21 came out the casinos were flush with confused college kids whispering to each other, "What's the count again?"
Very few people actually try to cheat here. Spotting card counters is all in the way that they bet. It's a certain formula with very few methods of deviation so if they don't follow it strictly it doesn't work so nobody is worried about the amateurs. If a dealer suspects someone of card counting, they report it to their pit boss who then watches the game. If the person IS thought to be card counting they are simply denied service at the casino.
There's too many security guards, surveillance, and key cards to take it in cash. It's not Ocean's 11 security but they know what they're doing. The only other option would be to steal chips but the large denomination ones are RFID tracked so that would be a bust as well. I'd have a better success rate applying for a loan at the bank.
If you think a dealer has made a mistake you are correct in telling him immediately. The floor should be called if the situation isn't immediately solved. If the money in question is a small amount (say a dollar or two) then the house usually neutralizes the dispute by putting in the missing money. Larger amounts would go through surveillance though.
Locals actually have quite a few perks. Some strip clubs, dance clubs, shows, and etc. have a locals discount or "industry night." The Vegas lifestyle is available to the locals at a cheaper rate but just remember not to do it every day. To get a job as a dealer I filled out an application, passed an audition. Simple as that.
I was hired for my current job in late 2010. I had all standard table games on my resume and I was auditioning for poker. Resume's aren't as important in dealing as the audition. If you've been dealing for 30 years and you mess up during the audition, they're going to go with the guy with only 1 year of experience who aced it.
The largest tip I've received was 600 dollars. I saw a player toss a cranberry (5k) chip to a dealer once. Tips are a big "X" factor for your income and if you're not working at a casino full time it can be difficult to budget.
I'm sorry, I completely missed your second question. Picking up a casino employee is possible and not really frowned upon. Don't expect much from the girls dealing in the "party pits" though.
No, roulette dealers cannot do that. Roulette wheels are checked for bias electronically and any suspicious patterns would attract attention. I've work/ed at newer casinos and older ones. I prefer the character of the older houses but I think the Aria is amazing. I've been dealing for about 10 years now.
I've personally never heard it but I wouldn't be surprised if it was a common term. Gaming slang is a lot of rhyming and alliteration. I'd much appreciate it if the whole world would please stop saying "Winner, winner Chicken Dinner."
By far the best magic show, in my opinion, is Mac King's show at Harrah's. Simple, but amazing illusions in an intimate-sized theatre and very funny. Penn & Teller are great as well. The tickets can be picked up for a discount at ticket booths around the strip the day of the show. The kiosks are called Same-Day Tickets or Half-Price Tickets and are a good value. Stay away from the Criss Angel show. It's terrible.
If you're going to play low-limit table games you're probably going to want to go downtown to Fremont Street. Set aside about 40 dollars apiece and play the minimum that the table allows. If you want to see a show there are kiosks around the strip and in many casinos that offer discounted tickets for shows on the current day. Clubs are expensive to get into (30 dollars is about average) and the drinks are quite expensive as well (10 dollar beers and god help you if you order anything remotely fancy).
Gambling is generally the quickest way, and slots are the worst but I think some of them are pretty cool. I'm someone who likes flashing lights and noise. Many new penny slot machines have been arriving with preset minimum bets like 25 credits but they pay out odd amounts. This usually leads to a player leaving 19 cents or so on the machine and walking away. There's people who just spend all day wandering from casino to casino looking for unclaimed spare change on the machines. It can be lucrative.
The hiking in Red Rock Canyon is great although you'd need a car. First Fridays down in the arts district is always fun. There are countless shows (stand-up comedy, theatre, etc.) off the strip. If you're unsure of what to do in a particular stretch of time and need ideas pick up a Las Vegas Weekly. They're available for free all throughout town.
I don't know but I suspect it's cost-related. Most table games have a 5 dollar minimum bet with a dealer to keep action moving. An undercover cop on the slots could control the pace. I think it's a waste of money either way.
No, the possibility of fraud is far too high to give away money. There really isn't such a thing as "house chips." There are non-denominational chips that are used in roulette as well as specialty chips used for tournament-style play but use of those would blow the cop's cover, obviously. Also, as long as the hookers aren't pestering every player they come across, the casinos don't really mind them so much. They'll need a bed eventually. To learn blackjack strategy (or really any casino game) I'd actually recommend sitting in front of the computer a wee bit longer and visiting wizardofodds.com. It's a great resource for gambling smart.
As a dealer, you develop quite thick skin. People will call you names and curse a lot but very few actually cause much of a scene. If a scene is caused, security is usually called and they usually eject them.
Actually, many of the major casinos offer free classes that teach you how to play, usually in the mornings from 9-11 am. Many casino games can seem confusing or intimidating. My advice would be to take the free lesson and, if it seems fun, don't be afraid to throw a few bucks on the real thing. Just don't spend all your time in the casinos.
Yeah, it is but some still resort to it since many people don't know. Most guests that aren't accustomed to tipping will tip after realizing it's the social norm ("when in Rome") but if coerced into tipping will not be likely to later.
Tips are earned on a table-to-table basis when you deal cash games in poker. Table games (everything else requiring a dealer) generally pool tips and divide them equally on a 24-hour timeframe. All dealers rotate into all games (except for Poker, which is usually a completely separate department) at one point or another. Unless there's a generous high roller most of our money comes from the more numerous, smaller tips from low-limit games.
They usually get a line of credit for the higher stakes players, yes but you'll occasionally get the high roller that throws up a few grand on the table in cash. I've seen more than a few people carrying 10k bundles around. There's a guy who plays poker down on Fremont Street called The Duke of Fremont Street (you don't say?!) who carries around a violin case full of cash, gold, and gold money clips stuffed with cash. Some people just like the attention.
Most poker dealers will get a dollar a hand as a tip. Since poker isn't a house game that tip isn't necessarily a "thanks for the lucky hand" but more of a "thanks for moderating the poker game." If you're playing 25 dollars a hand and you are dealt a blackjack, the blackjack will pay 37.50. A common tip on that would usually be the 2.50 but we appreciate a dollar tip/bet. Anything over 5 dollars (that isn't a high-stakes game) would be considered generous.
I've seen it done to varying degrees of success, it's just not very common anymore, at least in Las Vegas. Most card counting groups operate in smaller Indian Casinos where the dealers are less likely to be trained against it. Opening a brand new casino in an area new to gaming is like ringing the dinner bell for card counters.
The odds of a video poker machine dealing you a royal flush on the deal is a little under 650,000 to 1 (happened to me once). As a poker dealer, I've dealt four in 10 years, although I've run into dealers who've gone their whole careers without dealing one.
I could easily see myself doing this for awhile. It's fun, easy money and casinos are the best places in the world to people watch. If I moved up I'd probably like to teach dealers. I view dealing as somewhat of an art form and I'd like to reteach the "right" way.
I think many of them are just trying to unique. When you line them up right next to each other one mega casino is pretty identical to the next so they have to out-gimmick each other in every way. Also, many casino's carpet is actually coded to indicate areas where minor are and aren't allowed. There's usually a yellow brick road of sorts to registration and elevators.
Most casinos use Kem or Copag cards for poker. Anyone who plays cards at home should pick some of these up. They're pretty difficult to mark, bend resistant, and they're perfect for parties. You can wash them in the sink! Blackjack and other card-based table games generally use custom cards made for the casino. I've never really paid attention to what brand they are since they're changed out so often.
I've always thought the LVH (the old Hilton) has a really nice sports book and their odds have always been fair. The kind of live betting you're looking for is usually the kind of action you'll get from the other patrons in the sports book. The casino doesn't have time to set odds on that short of notice.
Craps is confusing because the objective of the game changes so frequently and the odds are somewhat strange. Unless you want to go in-depth with game strategy I'd suggest putting your money on the pass line and throwing the dice until they tell you to stop. Not the best advice, I know, but I'm not a huge fan of craps.
It's a little pricey to get in (40 dollars last time I was there, if memory serves me correctly) but the Moon nightclub at the Palms Hotel is pretty damn cool. Open air at the top of the building. I'd buy the club tickets in advance since they're usually the same price. Half-price ticket booth the day of the show you want to see.
Proper etiquette is to shore up your hand against the dealer's without harming the other players. Hitting when the dealer is showing a bust card has started more than a few fights that I've seen. Practice basic strategy and try to make sure you're playing with people who do the same.
The two popular swingers' clubs are The Green Door and The Red Rooster. Ladies get in free (of course), single men pay a pretty high cover charge, and couples get in for half price. They're... interesting places to meet people.
Tipping is one way of diverting attention and, yes, it does work. However, as I stated elsewhere, card counters have to adhere to certain rules and formulas regarding their wagers. They've made blackjack a business and tipping is bad for business.
Ask for them. The biggest thing is shyness. There's a lot of people gambling in a casino at any given time so if you want your play to be evaluated for comps, simply tell the dealer or floor manager. I don't eat at the buffets too often.
That's up to you man. I know people who've had bad experiences with them and I've had people who've had great experiences. Not all hookers are diseased and misguided. Some are business-minded and know that they're offering a service and do so professionally.
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